Fluff from my brain

ranting

2006-09-25T11:08:00.000+01:00

How time has flown, it's now September and I have begun the third and final year of my training.

The following things have occured since I last wrote:

The wanker from across the road moved out (huzzah) after having his house on the market secretly, lest we should find out and commit any acts of sabotage. Unfortunately his covert operations were given away somewhat by the fact the people clutching estate agents details kept cruising past and so it didn't take much to look on rightmove and confirm that yes, the house was for sale. Some tense moments followed this discovery as we waited for him to go; Kev felt it appropriate to park the van a little further back from his kitchen window just in case we put off any buyers (yes, that's how much he wanted him to move). Anyway - he went, which we were quite pleased about.

Kevin has grown a beard, started recycling things of his own accord (and wearing sandals) and has taken up horse riding. Not sure what I have done to him. Oh yes, he also proposed, so I guess I must have finally worn him down. Actually it was quite romantic, on a little bridge next to Brecon cathedral. I was just about to say "Shall we play poo sticks?", as one does, when I turned around and there he was, on one knee, clutching a little box and looking wildly panic stricken.

So September 1st 2007 is the date we have chosen, so that I will have finished my training. This brings me neatly one to my next topic: my impending unemployment.

In this area the community hospitals are going to be closed (two have already gone), there has been a freeze on recruitment of community staff for at least 24 months, the local district (acute) hospital is going to lose it's A&E, maternity services and paediatric services and in fact plans are being discussed to close it altogether sometime in the not too distant future. (One general hospital has already gone). The argument is that more people can be treated in the community; presumably the people in charge of decimating the community services aren't currently in touch with the people planning to close acute hospitals so that patients can be treated in the community. Or maybe they are, because what a wonderful opening, what a coincidental gap in the market they will create in the process of all this madness. The fact the current 'care in the community' agencies cannot find staff also seems to have passed them by.

Funnily enough these things are happening in areas where a Labour government has a snowflake's chance in hell of actually getting in. Funny that.

What I feel most strongly about is that I trained to work in the NHS because I believe in it and this government is taking it apart piece by piece. Can you imagine what will happen to standards once private companies start competing for tenders? I think what happened to school meals is probably a bit of a clue, as costs are driven down to make way for maximum profit margins.

Anyway - this has turned into something of a rant, but I suppose this is what I have been thinking about recently, as having 11 months of my training to go and no discernable job prospects is somewhat worrying, but perhaps not as worrying as the thought of having to work for a private company whose main priority is not the well being of the patients in its care but the shareholders profits.

Miso soup

2006-05-02T15:53:00.000+01:00

Well hello there.

As is usual for me it's been a fair few months since I last graced the pages of this really rather poor attempt at a blog with my presence. As I am currently doped up to the eyeballs with hayfever remedies of varying potency I am probably only actually half present, but what the heck.... I'm flinging caution to the winds and blogging anyway.

Not much has happened to me in the last four months. In March I reached the halfway point of my training, which I thought would feel like something of a milestone, but which in fact served only to totally demotivate me totally. Actually to be honest it's probably the rather pap content of the course which has demotivated me, that and the thought of doing another 18 months of yet more pap. I am certainly learning stuff about nursing, but mainly through my practice placements and my own reading. This module, which carries the rather snappy title of "Health Care Interventions" consisted entirely of lectures about statistics and educational theory. Oh yes and a two hour session on nursing skills (catheterisation and insertion of NG tubes). Useful really as one can't catheterise a patient using the ability to analyse statistics and create an optimum learning environment.

I am now on placement in A&E. There are many things I could say but I'll curb my urge to rant. I still maintain that healthy people in their 20s don't need to get themselves brought in by ambulance for a painful thumb but I accept that taxis are indeed expensive and why else do I pay my taxes? (Actually I am lying, I am a student and I don't pay taxes) ..

Not much else to comment on. Trying to be healthy; in January, February and March I went to the gym twice a week, did horse riding once a week and started running. I got quite fit and lost half a stone. In April my efforts fizzled out a bit...... so now it's May and I am going to resume activities, except it's my day off today and I feel like sleeping so that's probably what I'll do. Also all my coursework is due in at the end of this month so I think what I'll do it have the month off and go back to it in June. That's not procrastinating, it's forward planning and effective time management. The miso soup is all part of the health thing. It's supposed to be leek and potato miso soup ("Just add boiling water") and it's like drinking hot water mixed with mud and grit.

Use your van to advertise

2005-11-19T14:38:00.000Z

... but make sure you are fully aware of what it is you are advertising before arriving at home of very posh customers.

Today we arrived at what can only be described as a very large, very old, very very expensive country house to collect some furniture. As we were carrying the furniture out of the house and towards the van I suddenly noticed that we had aquired a slogan. On the side of the van, painted in blackish letters read the word

"WANKER".

In my shock I actually ended up not only pointing it out to Kev but also to our customer, who is as you can imagine, very posh. How embarrassing.

We then had no choice but to drive back through half the county with "WANKER" emblazoned upon our vehicle, until we got back to the workshop. On closer inspection we discovered that the van had also been scratched again.

Funnily enough no one else's vehicle has been touched.

Another coincidence is that yet again only the rear offside panel has been defaced which again, rather coincidentally, is the one which lines up with the arsehole from No.1's (oh yes, remember him?) gate.

Fortunately back at the workshop a bit of T-cut removed the grafitti, but the scratches are really pretty bad. So are we mysteriously once again victims of a totally random act of vandalism, in which the perpetrator just happened to be carrying a pot of black paint and a brush on his way home from the pub? This is the third time the van has been keyed, and on another occasion someone wiped mud from their muddy hands all over it too, although again, only on the side which faces AFN1's house.

Could it be that a grown man is actually sad enough to get a kick out of sneaking furtively out of his side gate and painting a rude word on our van?

(NB: the above was actutally written yesterday - this morning our mystery van defacer has limited the venting of his frustration to bending the wing mirror in. How very manly.)

the tragic demise of Terry the fish

2005-10-26T17:44:00.000+01:00

So it's been a while.

Some of you may be pleased to know that I have survived first year of life as a student nurse. I have also given up smoking again (I restarted around the time of the children's nursery placement, but stopped once it was all over, assisted initially by the mystery vomiting virus the little bastards gave me, which not only diminished my appetite for smoking, but also for moving, talking and generally existing. Fortunately it was short lived as was my return to serious nicotine comsumption).

I have since then done a placement on a medical ward, populated mainly by old demented people and am currently in my fifth week of a placement on a surgical ward (upper and lower GI tract). Both good placements and learning lots although the day I spent peering at people's colostomies wasn't really a high point it has to be said.

Not much else going on really, since between doing my placements and working part time I seem to have no life. Course work has taken a bit of a back seat recently because I seem to be suffering from a slight lack of motivation. Still awaiting results for the rubbish I handed in for my last assessment..... strangely, being placed in a children's nursery where the university openly aknowledges that nursing learning outcomes cannot be met, and still having to complete coursework which meets said learning outcomes left me feeling rather ambivalent about it all. I will so so relived if I pass I don't care if I only pass with 41%, as long as I don't have to rewrite any of my work. The assignment results are out tomorrow...

The content of the current module (and indeed the one which preceeded it) is largely political; Health and Social care tried to teach us to be polically correct, anti discriminatory and sensitive to the needs and requirements of all, however bizarre or impossible to cater for within the confines of NHS funding.

This module, Community and Public Health, is drawing our attention towards National Service Frameworks, the Department of Health's attempts to improve services for specific patient groups. I have never been particularly politically aware but I think it's probably impossible to work in nursing and not be political. I won't bore you with any of my musings since I am probably not as well informed as I ought to be, if I am going to proffer opinions on such things....

Politics aside, one thing I have noticed recently is how many patients seem to look for things to complain about, and to be fair to the hospital, there really isn't anything wrong alot of the time. The number of people who feel that the NHS ought to fund taxi's home is really quite remarkable. I was at work recently and we had to move some patients into another part of the ward to accommodate someone much older and much more dependent than they were. Both patients became abusive, one of them complained because the part of the ward we moved her to wasn't as light (?!) and both then took every opportunity to insult and abuse any staff member who happened to walk past........

Is it me??? I can understand if you book a hotel room with a view of the sea and end up with a view of the brickworks, but surely even the most self obsessed of people can recognise that in a hospital there may be someone out there whose need is greater than theirs??? And that the view from the window isn't part of the deal.

I nearly chewed through my tongue, I had to bite it so hard.

Fortunately most people aren't like that. It just made me think. Are we becoming a nation of people who believe that their own rights supercede the rights of others all around them? Do people really appreciate the NHS or where they'd be without it.

No other real news to speak of. Maddy has given up delivering live mice as she has clearly recognised that we are just not going to get good at mousing no matter how much practice she gives us. All mice are now left on the doorstep in pieces, and we are treated with the contempt we so surely deserve.

Another tragic loss: Terry the fish died due to a mysterious injury which I believe was caused by the stone sucker we have in the tank, but which Kev is refusing to aknowledge because he was warned by the bloke in the fish shop that this might occur but refused to take heed. He has become most beligerent about the whole affair, causing me to get really cross and call him a fish murderer. The stone sucker is still in the tank. Kev cannot provide an alternative explanation as to what happened to Terry but is maintaining that even though stone suckers are known to injure other fish this isn't what happened. He is a man fool.

I am hoping the other fish will take heed from the tragic demise of Terry and avoid the stone sucker at all costs.

fingers crossed for my assignment result.

2005-07-05T13:41:00.000+01:00

OK, so I last posted in March and now it's July. How did that happen? I think time has speeded up, although it's odd because at the moment it feels like things are taking forever and going really quickly all at the same time. I can't wait to be finished my course, although I still have two years and nine weeks to go (not that I am counting). I can't remember whether I mentioned I had a placement in a private hospital - it was very good, and I have just finished another placement in a children's nursery, which I will for the sake of politeness describe as less good.

I didn't learn much on my children's placement that bore anything like a passing resemblance to something which I may need to know for my course, however I did learn the following.

1) Small children are very tiring. They never stop talking, showing you things, breaking things, and causing general mayhem. You have to watch them every second of every minute, unless you happen to like your walls covered in crayon and your trousers covered in snot.

2) It is entirely possible, if you have enough money, to pay other people to look after your child from the age of 3 months onwards, for 10 hours a day, including all meals, so that your parental role is reduced to collecting them from nursery, wiping them with a damp cloth and putting them to bed immediately upon arriving home. Weekends and holidays can also be covered using a combination of baby sitters and holiday childcare facilities, thus leaving you free to carry on your existance unhindered by the demands and needs of your offspring. Alternatively you can achieve the same result by not having any children.

3) I have always had an inkling that I didn't like the kind of people who live in the Surrey commuter belt, name their children "Theodore" or "Germaline" or some such thing, drive fancy cars and can't be bothered to raise their own children. I have learned that I was right: I don't just dislike them, I positively detest them.

So as you can imagine I have been an absolute joy to be around for the past 5 weeks. My placement finished last week and as I breathed a sigh of relief on my way out of the building I became aware that I felt a little unwell. 48 hours of mystery puking virus later I will add another learning to my list:

4) Children are not only tiring, noisy and smelly. They are also diseased.

Anyway it's all over now. I have two weeks of college, and then I have three weeks off, during which time I will be spending a fortnight in Normandy with the man, my sister and Jon. Hoping for good weather, and that someone will deposit a large sum of money in my bank account before we go, however that seems pretty unlikely.

Almost as unlikely in fact, as being paid for the work which I have actually already done....

Try this for a triumph of bureaucracy over common sense: I recently began working for my local hospital, on a contract which requires me to do a very small number of hours per month but on the understanding that I then work as and when I can and I will get paid anything over my contracted hours as overtime. As is the case, except for some reason it turns out that I will get my overtime hours paid for at the end of the year.

So now I am having to chase NHS Professionals up and try to get registered with them, a process I got halfway through before I signed my contract with the other place, and which took about two months (to get halfway through) which is why I ended up getting a contract. It will actually cost the hospital in question more per shift to employ me through NHS Professionals than it will to pay me overtime as a direct hospital employee, however it would seem this is the way it must be.

Well that's it from me. I am supposed to be working but I think I might go to sleep instead.

While I'm procrastinating..

2005-03-04T14:44:00.000Z

thought I may aswell post more of my rubbish.

I have two pieces of work to do this weekend: one is a 500 word direct observation about infection control, the other is another 500 word direct observation about moving and handling. I know that 1000 words is not exactly a novel, but I am finding the subject matter pretty uninspiring to be honest. So far today I have done all the washing in the washing basket, checked my email about 20 times and chatted to my mate Dave on MSN.

I also did this IQ test on the MSN site and got 150, which pleased me despite the fact that I know it's an IQ test for morons to make them feel less moronic. Try it - you'll feel really clever for a bit.

I also emailed a friend to see if he's read Naked Lunch. I am trying to read it; the copy I have belonged to Kev's brother and it looks like he only got about a third of the way through. My friend said it took him a year to read it (and he writes for a living) so I am going to perservere as it's obviously a hard book to read, so now I don't feel bad about having to read each page three times (and still find myself thinking "what the F**K?!").

Right - given that I am unlikely to get any work done today I think I will officially write it off, and do the washing up instead.

speaking to God...

2005-03-01T11:59:00.000Z

Currently on my third placement and this one is an "insight placement": I have to try out different branches of nursing such as Mental Health, Learning Disability and Child nursing during this year and so this one is a Learning Disability placement.

I'll be honest, I was absolutely dreading it. I just didn't want to do it at all. Perhaps that makes me a bad person, or maybe it just makes me like most other people; ignorant and a bit scared of the unknown. As someone who really likes to interact with others I found the idea of working with people who can't or don't react very scary.

So I started out with the assumption that the kids I was working with wouldn't react or communicate in any way. I am pleased to be able to say that I was wrong. Although all of the kids I have worked with so far have profound and multiple disabilities meaning that most of them are unable to speak, they all are capable of making it known when they are unhappy about something, uncomfortable or just feeling a bit bored. Similarly they also show when they are happy and enjoying themselves, by smiling and laughing, like any other kid.

I have another 3 weeks on this placement and I am happy to say that it isn't dragging, although the days are long (double shifts); the staff are all friendly and helpful and utterly devoted to the kids they care for, and the kids are very well looked after and loved. Most have family that come in regularly to see them and help to take care of them. Some of them don't come at all. I don't know what I think about that really; obviously I can't judge, but I have found myself thinking often over the last week, what would I do if this were my child? I honestly don't know how I would handle the situation, and I don't think anyone can know until you are there.

Now I have conquered my fear of the unknown and am enjoying my time with the kids I have to try and write stuff for my portfolio (doubtless I'll have a long rant about all that another time but for now suffice it to say that any piece of work that can only be 1000 words long and yet has to fulfil about a million different learning outcomes and various other criteria, whilst also being written using a model of reflection, a model of nursing and which must also have a reference every 100 words is just too mind boggling even to start). Whoever thinks up this crap needs to stop taking the drugs and live in the real world.

Finally, before I leave you and return to my work..

On Saturday some people from a local church stopped by to do some singing and praying with the kids. All children were duly assembled in the hall and were given bells and tabourines and other stuff to make a noise with. One kid who likes to press buttons was given a little key board that makes different noises and so a fair amount of the service took place accompanied by a bosanova beat.

The four church folks set up their bontempi keyboard and we commenced with a rousing version of "If you're happy and you know it", which seemed to go down pretty well, with plenty of shouting and banging of instruments. We had a story about loaves and fishes (also to a bosanova beat), and a few more songs which quite frankly were painful due to the fact that no one knew them other than the earnest church ladies and yet we all felt we should be singing for the kids. I must say however, that the earnest church ladies sang all songs with great amounts of gusto including the one where they changed the words and realised that they didn't fit the tune, and so compensated on the spot by singing one of the words twice (although they never quite settled which of the words was going to be repeated).

Then it was time to pray.

Prayers were lead by a very nice, extremely-in-earnest kind of a lady who told the children that we are all Gods children and that they can talk to God in any way they like. She left a little silence then, for them to pray and reflect.

Small child on lap of carer next to me chose this exact moment to drop a fart which had the resonance of a trombone and the smell of a dead skunk, then smiled round at us with the widest, sweetest smile you've ever seen.

Flo.

some stuff, none of which is very interesting

2005-02-09T10:57:00.000Z

1. On January 31st it was officially one year since both Kev and I were made redundant and on February 1st it was officially one year since Kev became self employed. Bit of a milestone for us, but forgot to mention it on the actual day. Business going well thus far; booked up until Easter or beyond. Does this alter my determination to move away from here? I think not.

2. I received my first ever exam result for my first ever anatomy and physiology exam and got 98%. Toot toot (is the sound of me blowing my own trumpet).

I didn't want to sound like I was blowing my own trumpet, but if I say it was because the exam was easy it's insulting to anyone who found it hard and if I say it was hard it sounds like I am boasting. I'll be totally honest here; I found the exam easy because we were given handouts in every A&P lecture and all you really needed to do was to read, know and understand what was on the handouts. The exam was multiple choice and so that also made it easier. Does it scare you that a pass is 40% and so a person who got 60% of the questions about the workings of the human body wrong could end up being your nurse?

Have heard on the uni grapevine, well actually from one of the tutors marking the portfolios, that so far she has failed 50% of those she has marked, so am awaiting that result with much greater trepidation.

3. I have stopped smoking and apart from the odd slip, the last one of which was a week ago when I was in a Situation of Extreme Tension* and needed to smoke to stop me from doing something else with my mouth, like saying what I really thought, I haven't smoked for nearly 4 weeks. Not missing it (except when in Situations of Extreme Tension; see above). *

4. Kev is on a diet and has lost probably about half a stone, maybe more. We are eating mainly vegetables, salad and baked potatoes, because nothing else will fill him up. I am starting to crave curry, chinese take away and sweet things so have found myself buying and eating forbidden foods, furtively, in my car. I popped out to buy some milk the other night and found myself in Tescos, staring longingly at a box of 10 doughnuts and thinking; I could eat them in the car... he'd never know. Fortunately I managed to exercise self control, mainly due to guilt because I had already furtively consumed a galaxy that very afternoon.

I just can't live on salad and baked potatoes. This leads me neatly on to point 5:

5. Just spent over £50 on amazon on cookery books, hoping that we can find other, more interesting stuff to eat. This was harder than it sounds; once you get into the realms of vegetarian, low fat, low calorie food the books get very obscure. Was considering the "You are what you eat" book, but a quick look at the reviews it got made me change my mind.

6. I keep dreaming that I am close personal friends with famous rock stars; so far I have been to a private "friends only" gig on account of the fact that Jimi Hendrix was a close personal friend of my dad's (this dream featured the added bonus of seeing my dad dressed up from head to foot in black biker leathers, waiting for a lift to work); last night I was on holiday in Whitby with my mum and dad and Steve Tyler from Aerosmith was giving me life advice and guidance. What's going on?

That's it for me. Toodle pip toot toot.

* a note on Situations of Extreme Tension. Kevin and I have now lived together 18 months and although we have bickered on occasion, we have never actually had what either of us would call a real fight, nor have we had a Situation of Extreme Tension and were we to have one we would have it on our own and not in view of other people. Just so you know that the SET in question wasn't ours. We can't fight because as soon as it looks like I am starting to get annoyed Kev get attacks of nervous laughter and you just can't shout seriously at someone who is crying with laughter.

I have to share

2005-02-02T13:11:00.000Z

just finished reading "Vernon God Little".

You must, must, must read it (if you haven't already).

Also read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time".

Am all out of new things to read.

bugger.

Slightly Belated Happy New Year and all that

2005-01-19T15:37:00.000Z

Can't believe I haven't been on here since November... I can't really think why that is, except that now that I don't sit at a desk all day long bored out of my tiny mind I only tend to use the PC to do work for college or stuff for the business and once I am finished with that I don't really feel like hanging around.

Well, now I am here I don't really know what to say. I'll start with what I have been up to. As you will have seen from my last entry I spent three weeks working on an Elderly Care ward, which was all good fun. Then I had an exam (anatomy & physiology) and then went home for Christmas (to Durham, which to the uninitiated is much much better than Guildford) and then to Cambridge for New Year (which strangely enough is also much much better than Guildford) then back to our little shoebox again, to be reunited with the tripod, who demonstrated her joy at our return and the subsequent unsealing of the catflap by bringing us mice aplenty, both live and dead, some in full bodied format and others reduced to component parts and smeared on the carpet under the bed.

I am now in my third week of a placement on a medical ward at the big hospital. First day was scary because it was just so different to my last placement, but am used to it now and actually feel relatively useful most of the time. I am doing lots of obs, and testing blood sugar levels and have even done some injections (truly terrifying, but probably more so for the patient once they twig that it's your first time). There's a real mix of patients on the ward, both in terms of age and conditions, although the majority are over 80 and some of them are mad as fruitbats.

Just before Christmas I found out that 70 students have dropped out of the Sept '04 intake already. That means that they dropped out before they even had to hand any work in. I don't know how much that much cost but given that all fees are covered by the NHS, plus bursaries are paid out, it must be a fair amount. I wonder if there's anything that could be done to prevent this. I suspect that they would have greater success if they took fewer people in the first place but it's all politics I guess, and funding according to numbers etc.

Funny, having not blogged for so long you would think I'd have loads and loads to say but I don't really. I will say that I am still enjoying the fact that I am doing my training but that parts of what we are expected to do in terms of course work are so inane that I can see why some people can't be arsed. As a friend of mine put it last night, it's all "jumping through hoops" (I can hear my mother's voice now, saying "welcome to the NHS!".

An example of this: I had to write an account of an episode of care which demonstrates a skill that I learned in uni that I have practiced out on placement. I had to write it in a "reflective style", using a prescribed "model of reflection", putting a reference every 100 words and also explaining, while reflecting, what I did and why my development of that skill benefitted the patient. This account only had to be 1500 words long. It took me almost as long to write as my dissertation for my degree did. The most frustrating part of it is that I don't feel that what I produced demonstrates anything other than the fact that I am learning how to write an account / reflection the right way. I know it's only a means to an end, but perhaps if it was a little less abstract and a little more useful and practical less people would drop out.

On Monday I have to hand in my first "portfolio" and horror stories are already abounding about certain tutors who failed everyone last year, and people who failed for utterly ridiculous reasons. I think you always get that though, it's like when you get to secondary school and get told the urban myth about the boy who threw his hamster off the cathedral tower (or was that just in Durham)??

Right - think I have waffled on enough.

To anyone who may be reading this, hope you are well and Happy New Year. If you are by any chance feeling unwell, can I suggest that you don't collapse anywhere near the Royal Surrey.

Flo.

pieces of mices

2004-11-28T10:56:00.000Z

So we had the live mouse and now we've had the dead mouse. Not peeled as I predicted, but a bit chewed and missing a head and two of its legs. Fortunately I was out rowing and so Kev dealt with it.

Still rowing a bit, and foolishly doing a race next sunday, somewhere in Wallingford, or something. Wallington? Who knows, but I have been told it's near to Oxford.

Got to go now - I smell bad and need a shower.

Maddy is unrepentent. We shall see if she remains so once I have wormed her.

mouses in houses

2004-11-25T19:49:00.000Z

Just a quick line or two...

First hospital placement (on an elderly care ward) is working out well and I am really enjoying it. Old people are better than I thought they'd be, which is good, but also sad cos it shows how people of a certain age are perceived in a negative light for no good reason. I am pleased to have had the opportunity to have my eyes opened.

Feeling very tired because last night Maddy excelled herself, firstly by disappearing for an enntire evening and not reappearing by midnight and then by releasing a live mouse in the bedroom, chasing it under the bed, where absolutely everything we have no space for is stored, and then banging around under there, peepy-sqeaking and smacking things, for a good hour or so.

Throughout this hour I lay in bed trying to pretend that there wasn't a mouse under the bed, and trying to put the possibility that Maddy would at some point awaken me by dropping a dead, peeled mouse in my face, out of my mind. Kev snored on.

Eventually I took to the sofa in defiance, with my pillows and one very thin and totally inadequate blanket, whereupon I froze for about an hour or so, still terrified that Maddy would find me and bring me the mouse (going from past experience, when she once went to great lengths to deliver an perfectly intact garden spider directly onto my bare foot).

I was just drifting to sleep, or into a hypothermic coma when suddenly a cat was thrown in my direction. The peepy-squeaking and smacking of inanimate objects had finally become too much for Kev and so both cat and mouse were captured. Highly disgruntled and slightly worn out cat was put in my custody, while mouse (amazingly still alive) was taken back to the woods across the road from whence he came.

Humans went back to bed, accompanied by defiant cat, who spent the remainder of the night biting anything which moved in case it was a mouse. Only had 3 hours of sleep.

Very tired. 6 hours of lectures today. 2 lines of notes made. pizza ordered for tea. Going to bed at 9pm.

It's been a long, long, long time

2004-11-02T09:45:00.000Z

as the Beatles once sang, somewhere on the White Album..

So what have I been doing?

Well, I am usually in college for 2 - 3 days a week as I may have previously mentioned, can't really remember, and the rest of the time I am at home reading stuff and trying to be useful. I have so far avoided day time television, with the exception that I sometimes watch Cheers while having my lunch.

I could easily spend all week learning the anatomy & physiology stuff - in fact I think I will be from now on as we had a mock exam last week (multiple choice) and I have come to the conclusion that learning such things in context does not prepare one for seeing 4 totally out of context seemingly random facts and having to recognise the right one.

I even went back once I had finished and changed four answers that I now know were correct to the incorrect ones in the name of thoroughness. I do have the comfort of knowing, however, that I was not the only one who did this.

The other slightly perturbing thing was that there were questions on there that I am sure it was impossible to distinguish the correct answer: ie - where would you find chyme?

Two of the four answers offered were "in the stomach" and "in the duodenum". Having checked the textbook and the notes we have been given, which state that chyme is made in the stomach and then moves into the duodenum, I have no idea which answer is the right one.

Next week I have my "trust week" where I get an of induction to the area I'll be doing my placements in, and the week after I have a placement on an "Elderly Care" ward in the hospital just up the road from me, which only has about two wards.

I have my uniform, which, suffice it to say well and truely puts paid to the somewhat bizarre myth that nurses are in any way sexy. The uniform is white tunic on top, which isn't too bad really and black nylon trousers, the waistband on which comes to just below my ribcage and then they billow, attractively into a kind of nappy shape around the stomach, bum and thigh area, before tapering to drainpipe proportions around the ankle area which serves to accentuate two things: 1) the bum, stomach nappy thing and 2) the size of my feet, which has always been something of a sore point.

Anyway, as one of the more practical ladies on my course keeps telling me, "They're good cos you can really boil them" so every cloud has a silver lining and perhaps I'll be glad one day very soon that my trousers can be boiled. Also, at least the tunic has a zip up the front and not poppers. I have heard bad things happen when patients grab tunics with poppers... and I'm guessing it would have to be a pretty specific grab to have the same effect with a zip.

I have had to buy some flat black shoes (I did not however, stick strickly to the guidelines and buy lace ups) - anyone who has ever been shoe shopping with me will understand the true horror of this situation. I think I must have tried about 150 pairs of shoes on, before desperation took hold and I found myself in M&S trying on the "footgloves". You may mock, but I must admit they are very comfortable.

Fortunately I was saved from getting "flootgloved" as Kev remembered that I hadn't been to Debenhams yet and lo, (idou for all you ancient greeks out there*) there were flat black shoes, but actually quite nice ones and so I felt lots better and bought a coat too. (It was reduced from £308.00 to £150 and so it was a bargain).

Not much else going on here really - may have mentioned that we have fish - two casualties so far - Alan was the first and then Small died yesterday, after a 3 day fight with a strange illness that made him swim upsidedown and also backwards. Otis, Dave, Terry and Dr Evil are all still going strong however and at the weekend we are getting a bigger tank (54 litres) and more fish.

Maddy is also fine although a new cat has moved into the flat two door up and she met him last night. He is called Russell and he is only about 1 year old, very cute but absolutely huge. Maddy was "Russelled" last night as she was out and about minding her own business and I had to go and rescue her because she was hiding and making a very loud noise which roughly translates as "I may be a 3 legged cat half your size hiding behind a wall, however please note that I am Very Dangerous and you should Keep Away".

Russell however is made of sterner stuff and unperturbed by Maddy, intimidating though she surely was, spent the rest of the evening trying to batter his way through the locked catflap while Maddy kept up her display of bravado by hiding behing the footstool and wailing loudly. Eventually, civil negotiations with Russell having failed, I was forced to chuck a pint of water over him.

So I think that just about brings us up to date really. We aren't thinking about moving at the moment, but we are toying with the idea of a new kitchen. Kev finished the bathroom floor last night so we are inching ever closer to completion, although he did have to be forced back in there because he is sick of the sight of it (possibly not a good time to start ripping the kitchen apart then). You will note that inbetween starting and finishing the bathroom Kev's car has acquired new dial thingys, buckets seats, subframes for bucket seats, and 4 point harness thingy. Say no more..

Right, better start this work that I sat down to do about an hour ago.
(Don't even get me started on "group presentations")

*while learing ancient Greek I once had to translate the phrase "behold, a sausage seller approaches", and the only bit I now remember is "idou" which is "behold" and also features quite heavily in the old testament, I believe.

Bye.

S'been a looooooooooong time...

2004-09-27T16:38:00.000+01:00

Hello out there

Well as you can probably surmise from the lack of posting on here, I left my office, desk slave style job some time ago. On the 3rd September to be precise.

I then had a week off, part of which we spent up in Durham, a small part of which was spent up at Housestead's Fort on Hadrian's wall. This was ok, despite having been there already on numerous occasions (a peril of being a school kid in the north east is that failing all other options your school trips were usually Hadrian's wall, although to be fair my school did also manage alternative options from time to time; Derwent water - sewerage treatment plant, Wavin plastic factory and Whitley Bay are highlights that stick in the mind).

The loos at Housesteads are the most interesting part although I wasn't sure where it all went once their ingenious flushing system had worked it's magic..... cos surely washing it a few feet away onto the land just outside their barracks wasn't really much better than just doing it in a hole and covering it up.

I mananged to avoid doing the catherdral tower this time but have been forced to promise than next time we will go since I have done so for the last two trips we've done but always managed to wriggle out of it. I hate the tower - it's so claustrophobic and I have visions of having a heart attack at the top and needed to be airlifted down... (ok so I'm 27, but it could happen, especially now because I am very unfit).

So. I have left my job and started my course which has been ok so far. The first week was a little intense, given that we had five full days of welcoming lectures, fire safety lectures, how to go clubbing without getting arrested or date raped lectures and other general lectures that really weren't of much relevance for anyone over the age of 25.

There's a huge mix of people on the course, from folks like me, who've already done non-useful degrees (counted one fine art degree and quite a few media studies type things) to people who are in their 30s and 40s who have been waiting for their kids to grow up, to people who have come over to England from other countries to work as carers, to people who are just out of school.

There are about 50 women to 1 man. I don't know how the men feel about this, but I suppose it's something they'll be used to if they have already worked in a nursing / caring environment, given that it is still largely female dominated.

I am not sure I would want to work in an environment that was so heavily dominated by the opposite sex, but that's because if you were the only woman among 50 men it would be a struggle to find someone with whom a decent conversation about hair products, diets and shoes could be had (although among 50 men at least 5 would have to be gay I reckon, but it doesn't automatically follow that just because a man is gay he has an interest in hair, shoes and diets).

To be honest these last two weeks I have had something of an overdose of conversation about hair. Especially about hair straighteners. And how long it takes to do said straightening each morning.

I am of the get up, have shower, put on clothes and allow car air blower thing and open window to style hair at will school of fashion. If it's too dreadful I may take radical styling action and tie it back, but some of these ladies actually straighten their hair before tying it back. Why? Why?

Why would you do this?

The course content thus far appears to be ok, most of the lecturers are ok, although I get the feeling that if you were to require help it would be less that forthcoming; personal tutors say we won't help unless you are having some sort of personal emergency, course tutors say if you have a problem with this module see your personal tutor. The organisation is not brilliant but then how many other courses have a twice yearly intake of 400 students?

We don't have masses and masses of work to produce, essays to write etc etc. We have a portfolio thing to complete (which is possibly the most confusing document I have ever encountered, worse even than a tax return) and a Multiple choice exam on anatomy and physiology.

So.

It's all been ok so far and I am still feeling like I have done the right thing, although how I'll feel after a stint at the Royal Surrey I don't know.

I have stopped thinking about moving to a bigger flat now, as we are ok where we are for the time being and Maddy doesn't really go out much, so I don't worry about her anymore. We thought we would wait and see, as we aren't even convinced that we'll stay down here longterm; decision time will be once I qualify.

Tomorrow we are doing basic life support on one of those dummy things. We had a lecture about it last week and this bloke was telling us that he has done CPR on a person and that the man vomited in his mouth while he was doing it....... I will have to block that from my subconcious I think.

one week to go...

2004-08-27T15:21:00.000+01:00

Next Friday I will be leaving my temp post at Defra, however since I will have a new person to train up next week I won't be able to blog at all, so thought I'd do a quick one now.

Not much is happening in my little world really. We have ordered some flooring for the front room and we're hoping to lay it this weekend, in addition to helping a friend move house, and finishing the bathroom (homebase here we come). Well, actually I am hoping to accomplish all these things. Kev thinks that I may perhaps be a tad on the optimistic side.

The friend who is moving is going to look at two bengal kittens this afternoon, one of whom is from the same mummy and daddy cat as Mervin. I am bursting with jealousy, but also excited at the propect of having kittens to play with.

I still miss Mervin everyday; I have never felt this way about an animal before; maybe my mothering instinct is stronger now that I am older (although clearly not that strong, as I can still honestly say that I would prefer to have kittens than babies at the moment).

Work has been slowly killing off my brain cells and this last week has been an utter nightmare. I haven't been sleeping either (for some reason I have let this job stress me out totally) and so the two combined have turned me into a moron, or maybe I always was a moron but now I am a tired moron.

My boss doesn't seem to have notice. He told someone today that I am the best secretary he's ever had. Excuse me blowing my own trumpet but it's nice to be appreciated, even if I don't really do anything much.

I haven't been rowing for ages, haven't been to a gym for even longer than that.. and have been smoking, drinking and eating all the wrong things at all the wrong times. I feel permanently knackered and lethargic and splodgy, like a human suet pudding, unable to summon up the will power to do anything other than eat rubbish and watch TV.

I feel a definite health kick coming on, although I am not sure exactly when I will do it. I have borrowed a book on optimum nutrition and so hopefully I'll get inspired to cook something that isn't vegetable slop with cheese on the top and a side order of cheese.

The superhero is looking a tad more rounded than usual too, so my lazy cooking obviously isn't doing either of us any good. He did suprise me by buying mint tea the other day, after having some at my sister's place and finding that he actually quite likes it.

I think we are both ready to start eating properly, it's just a question of being arsed to plan ahead, buy the right things and then prepare and cook. If life didn't seem to be one long round of washing up I am sure I'd be more motivated.

That said, people who start a sentance with "if" followed by a weak and pathetic excuse are usually just lazy.

IF I WASN'T SO LAZY I'D BE LESS LAZY. Yeah. So there.

On the subject of being motivated I have a slight dilemma going on: my ex boss called me not long ago and asked me if I would do some work for his new company. I can do this work at home; it's largely admin stuff, and at present I am unsure of how much work there is to do. I have a week off from 4th - 12th and will be spending the Wednesday with my ex boss finding out what they need doing.

My dilemma is this; I am going to be very strapped for cash and so some kind of part time work would be good. I was thinking that I would maybe need a weekend job, but was hoping I wouldn't have to get one because I want to devote 110% to my course.

I can earn probably about £12 an hour doing this work for my ex boss, and do it at home. So I guess that would be good, but the problem is that I suspect that I am going to have very little time free and so it's going to be hard to balance the course, and course work and working for my ex boss and the book work for our own business. I guess I'll find out what they want first and then decide - after all, if it all gets too much I'll have to give up it (the part time work, not my course).

Anyway - best get off and do some work.

My ankle has just started hurting. I think it's probably lack of some ankle related vitamin. I will buy "you are what you eat" this weekend. I would do a link there buy my little linky thing has vanished.

2004-08-19T09:30:00.000+01:00

Well it's been a little while since I last wrote, for no reason other than I haven't really felt like saying much.

We have now had our flat valued three times, two came in at £115K, the other suggested we try £122K, and work down from there.

As it stands we have a carpet to replace, laminate flooring to put down, a bathroom to finish, a kitchen work surface and hob to replace and so I can't see us getting the flat on the market for at least six weeks, if not more. I don't think we'll go as high as £122K but probably not as low as £155k either. Somewhere inbetween would be about right I think.

If I could just wave a magic wand and have it all sorted then I would be content to just put it on the market and forget about it; if it sells it sells, if not we just wait. To be honest there is very little around in our budget which suits our needs. For some reason all the flats and maisonettes round here are built in little corners with no surrounding land, no garden, basically the attitude must be that people who can't afford houses won't mind being stacked on top of each other in flats whose outlook consists only of a stunning view of the carpark.

There is alot of land around here, mainly greenbelt, and while I am not advocating that this should be destroyed I do think that there is a massive lack of adequate housing here. There is one little development of maisonettes which are actually situated around a green, and have parking and garages in a nice out of the way location. People are desperate to buy these, there's practically a waiting list when one comes onto the market, and it's because they are the only ones of their kind in this area. Most builders are too greedy to leave any space when building; not when they could slap another 20 houses on it and make more money.

I am feeling a little stressed at the moment, mainly because of work (would you believe I am actually really busy now?)and because of wanting to move, and probably because I am about to undertake one of the biggest committments of my life. It's quite scary going back to college, and I am really quite worried about it.

No one ever came forward to enlighten us as to how Mervin came to be left upon our doorstep. While this wouldn't change anything it would be nice to know who left him there and what happened.

We are really missing him, and probably missing him more and more as time goes on. Maddy has hardly been out recently, although that is also because it's been raining, but even with Maddy around, Mervin's absence is still very noticeable.

We're off to Cambridge this weekend for my birthday.

money money money

2004-08-12T10:41:00.000+01:00

or the apparent lack thereof.

We are currently investigating our chances of getting a mortgage.

Our mortgage man, Barry, seemed to think that we had only a slim chance, given that Kev has only been self employed for 6 months and I am about to become a student nurse. Well actually he though we had no chance but was too polite to tells us that outright. However after speaking to Kev's current mortgage people, who surprisingly didn't hang up on him instantly when he explained our situation, he seems relatively confident.

We had the flat valued on Monday night. The estate agent in question thought we ought to put it up for £122.5K, which we probably won't get, but we might get £120K or so. They want a 1.5% fee, which apparently they absolutely can't drop but we have since found out that the bloke three doors down got them down to 1%, so we'll be checking out the competition and having a word I think. They really are leeches.

Our flat is one step above being a studio flat, in that it has separate bedroom and bathroom, but the kitchen is in the corner of the front room. It's quite a nice little flat, we've redecorated it all in neutral colours (can't get more neutral than jasmine white), but I just can't quite get my head around the fact that someone might pay £120k for it.

It seems wrong. It just seems an extortionate amount of money to pay for a tiny flat. How many first time buyers on average money can afford that?

I remember buying my house in Cambridge in 2000, it cost £125K and I though that was hugely expensive. Now we are looking at two bedroom flats for £160K - £170K and £125K for a two bedroom house, with garden and parking, seems like nothing.

We need to do some stuff to the flat before it can go on the market, like replace all the flooring, the kitchen work top and the manky brown 1980s hob. Not sure how we'll be paying for all this but it needs to be done. Doing floors will be a nightmare given our lack of space to move stuff into. Thank God we have the van.

If we are approved for our mortgage it will mean that we'll be paying out an extra £250 per month on mortgage, plus however much our other costs go up, like council tax, maintenance fees etc. I think, having looked at the numbers that this is possible, however we are a little concerned about the prospect of having no guarenteed income, since we've been let down three times recently and money has been mega tight.

Kev is also worried that we might move, pay £170K for a two bedroom flat and then the prices will fall, but I don't really see what we can do about that. If prices fall we'll get less for our flat, so what you gain in one scenario you lose in t'other.

anyway - that's where we are folks.

Still missing Mervin loads and loads, but Maddy has become hyper affectionate; I think she gets lonely now during the day.

I have abandoned all hope of buying the ridiculously expensive flat. I know it's hard to believe but I just get carried away sometimes....

Finally - since I got my letter from the council the MFN1 hasn't touched that piece of land. So now it's all half dug up tarmac etc which looks a bit awful, but maybe this means that the council have been in touch with him?

Mervin and Moving

2004-08-06T10:54:00.000+01:00

It's been an odd sort of a week.

Maddy moved out for the first few days but seems to have returned home now and is being spoilt rotten and enjoying the limelight. We are missing Mervin madly and have spend very little time in the flat.

I keep thinking that I can see him crouching in corners and looking at me with his big round eyes. I keep thinking "I can't leave that there, Merv will get it" or thinking that I have heard him calling. It's really hard because since Kev lost his brother Merv has been our focus, our little bundle of trouble and fun and I don't think we realised quite how much we relied on his silly antics and big soppy cuddles to help us through.

I feel so guilty, I miss him so much and I would give anything to turn back the clock so that I could have put him inside on that afternoon.

In the light of all of this, and given that we are utterly cramped in our one bedroomed flat, we have come to the conclusion that we need to move to a bigger flat in a more cat friendly location.

We have found a couple of places which would suit, but unfortunately we missed the boat with the first place (nice new maisonettes, 2 acres of grounds, garage & car parking) and the other place, which I am in love with is £189,000 which would be pushing it on our budget. It has a balcony, is in the middle of forest, has a handmade kitchen with oak flooring... it's just devine, huge windows, light and airy and I want it.

It's annoying because down here it will cost £550.00 to rent a tiny tiny flat like the one we live in. It would cost us £600 - 650 a month to buy this dreamy flat in the forest. However one of the rubs of being self employed is that your income is not guarenteed.. and it would be a little unnerving to chuck all our available collateral at a flat and then find we have two bad months where we can't pay the mortgage...

It's all my fault really, since I am the one who wants to go back to college for three years, and you can't have it all. I keep racking my brains, wondering if I own anything which is worth 30k, hoping that it will just fall out of the sky; it's almost as if I believe that if I think about it hard enough it will just materialise in my bank account. It has to, you see, because I need to live in this flat.

Looking at all the numbers for the business, and my super snazzy projections (I love excel) if things go the way they seem to be going we should be able to afford it and have £500 a month left over. But what if it doesn't? I know the world of upholstery isn't quite as dynamic as other industries but it is affected by all sorts of things; the antiques trade is dead as a dodo at the moment (I blame IKEA), and all our work is private work. If interest rates keep going up and mortgage payments go up alongside, as ours have done (thanks Abbey National!) then people don't tend to spend £1500 on having their sofa re upholstered.

Having said that, I think our client base down here won't be too badly affected since most of them probably don't have mortgages anyway. You wouldn't believe some of the houses we go; it's interesting seeing how the other half live. The last place we went to had a kitchen bigger than our entire flat.

There is a small amount of tension between the superhero and myself at the moment over getting another kitten. I am absolutely not, under any circumstances whatsoever going to get another kitten until we are somewhere which I consider to be "cat friendly".

Kev doesn't think that there's such a thing and left to his own devices would get another kitten tomorrow. I think if you do that you may as well run it over yourself, because that's what it feels like to me when they die.

The difference here is that I feel personally responsible for Steve, Maddy and Mervin being run over and Kev doesn't because he thinks it could happen anywhere. This is true, I'll admit, but it's more likely to happen in some places than it is in others. Two of our three cats have been run over where we are now, plus our neighbour's cat was run over last year. That doesn't spell "good place to get another kitten" to me.

Kev wants Mervin back because he could play rough with Merv, and throw him about and he loved it; Merv was a man's kind of cat whereas Maddison is very dainty and doesn't respond well to being dangled upsidedown etc. Maddy is cute, but just isn't the same. She doesn't climb the curtains or damage the upholstery, steal food or add cat toys to your bath water. She doesn't get stuck dangling from ivy 14 feet up the wall, or cry when you go around the corner and she can't see you anymore.

Maddy is actually the idea pet cat and Mervin would have been a nightmare for anyone who wasn't used to dealing with male bengal cats, but that's what we liked about him.

Anyway - I'll stop rambling on about my cats because I know that people think that "cat" people are mad and boring etc and I am probably being both.

The flat is being valued on Monday, we are seeing mortgage advisor on Tuesday.

In Memory of Mervin

2004-08-02T10:28:00.000+01:00

We were having quite a good weekend until yesterday afternoon.

We were only out for about two hours.

Mervin was happy and well when we left him.

When we returned he was dead, wrapped in a towell and dumped on our doorstep.

No note, no explanation.

Obviously someone who knows him and us left him there but most of the people we know would have gone about it in a slightly more sensitive way, like leaving us a note and returning the cat once we were prepared.

We actually think it was the bloke who lives next door because yesterday he pretended not to be in when I knocked on his door. Also we know our other neighbours pretty well and not one of them would have been so cowardly.

I know that people who don't own cats think that cats are just cats.

They aren't. They are friends, and comforters and little furry beings who are there to share in your life and participate in everything you do. Our flat was silent this morning. No sqeaks of joy when the shower went on, no persistent presence on the kitchen worktop while I was making my breakfast, no enthusiastic wake up call at 4am this morning.

Unfortunately Maddy found Mervin on the doorstep too and is now very distressed and is hiding herself away at the moment.

There must be fifteen cats living in this street. Two of mine who have been run over in the last two months. I don't know why these things keep happening to us. I know in the grand scheme of things that can go wrong in your life losing a cat isn't the worst, but it does feel like the last year has just been one thing after another.

Kev and I are both distraught and have come to the conclusion that we really need to move away. I think we have too many sad memories of where we live now.

Our little fuzzy boy is gone, and nothing and no one can replace him.

You just don't mess

2004-07-27T15:08:00.000+01:00

with the mother of a super hero...

Words have been had with the relevant department and more specifically with the relevant people, and while there is no guarentee that the fence will come down, or that anything will happen instantaneously or even relatively soon, the wheels are now in motion and Waverley Borough Council wants money for the land.

We need to do another letter with petition signed by neighbours which shouldn't be to hard to arrange, since most of them are hopping mad about this already.

So we'll do what we can and wait and see.

In the grand scheme of things this is not terribly important, it's just annoying. I don't like anyone who assumes that they can just take what they like, regardless of the feelings and needs of others around them. It is quite nice to see others banding together to help put a stop to it though.

Speaking of banding together a funny thing happened in the world of the Rowing Club's women's squad. Two of the novice women found two other, fitter bods to sit in the stern of their boat at a certain regatta last weekend. Remarkably they won their novice pot and understandably they are suitably chuffed and are gloating very unwisely in the faces of two of my crew mates who are not only superior in their rowing ability but are also 100% fitter. One of these is the women's captain and she is not a happy camper.

Feathers are really rather ruffled.

In my crew everyone one other than me can do a sub 8 minute 2k.
I can probably do about 8 minute 15 at a push under extreme duress, relying not upon any level fitness but upon sheer brute force and bloody mindedness. I stroke our boat and am the only person willing to do so however I have also repeatedly said that if I am letting anyone down on fitness etc I am happy to not row / race, and I mean that - I like sculling and it's alot less political.

The two pot winners who are currently gloating can do 2k in about 9.5 minutes.
They don't train and while they are technically ok they lack both strength and stamina.

Having to congratulate them on their victory really stuck in the throat for my crew mates.

About two months ago I was joking that the only regattas worth entering were the ones at the end of the season, the reason being that all of the decent crews move up to senior level and everyone goes on holiday leaving not much in the way of competition.

Sooner or later you'll meet crews who are even worse than you are and then you'll win, provided you can move a boat forward and all row approximately in time.

Now this is pretty much what has happened, however the winning of a novice pot is still a big deal for these peeps and not to be sneered at. A win is a win. I have no problem in congratulating them because the fact is that they did win, and that's always worth celebrating.

The fact that they are now debarred from racing at novice level and will spend all of next season competing against crews who will beat them by 5 lenths or more doesn't seem to have occured to them. The time it took them to compete the course was equal to the time it took one girl in a single scull to do the same. Had they been up against anything like a decent crew they would have lost badly.

However, there are now rumblings coming from their general direction that as they have points they should be in our crew.

The fitter and more dedicated members of my crew are quite alarmed by this and while I am perfectly happy to congratulate the winners on their victory I can see why.

Points do not automatically make you a better rower. They do not make you fitter overnight.

However this particular issue is really very easy to sort out by establishing a notice board where everyone posts their 2k erg times once a fortnight.

A four sessions a week training plan has also been issued in the attempt to make them realise the difference between commitment and a fluke win.

I am adding this to the land dispute in things that are kind of in the background, but which I refuse to get seriously drawn into. If I get time to train seriously so much the better, however at the moment my motivation levels have hit an all time low.

Considering going rowing tonight but I think I may go home and do some more bathroom stuff...

Rowing Thursday, Saturday and Sunday so I don't feel too guilty....

The Battle of Waverley (part II)

2004-07-26T15:40:00.000+01:00

So you are all familiar with the saga with the MFN1 and his rather dubious land claiming activities.

Having contacted Waverley Borough Council, to whom the land belongs it would seem that given that it's on the edge of their territory they can't actually be arsed to do anything about it. It would seem that if there's no money to be made or if the cost of fighting it outweighs the benefit for them then they aren't interested. Wonder why you pay your council tax?

Today Kev and a bloke from down the road went across to speak to MFN1 as he is having the land dug up and is going to start planting things. Basic outcome:

He checked out the law and he can do what he bloody well likes, then it's us to us to challenge him if we have to time and energy to do so.

He is planting up the land to use as a garden. His garden. He doesn't want anyone else on the land despite the fact it doesn't belong to him. Phil enquired as to whether we too could plant things. Apparently he doesn't want to share.

Kev asked him if it was ok for us to have a BBQ there. T'would seem not, although I would like to see him stop us.

Wasting further time and energy on such things really isn't worth it. He is scum, the likes of him exist everywhere and take great pleasure in pissing others off. It is a shame that the law protects him when he is clearly in the wrong but there you go. What can we law abiding citizens do?

writing

2004-07-22T14:34:00.000+01:00

Just been having an email conversation with my mate Dave about writing a book. Every now and then I get this "wouldn't it be cool to write a book feeling". I have done some digging around I have discovered that probably most people have this thought at some time. So I am actually once again not very original.

Found this which seemed pretty pertinent...

I would love to wake up one day suddenly full of inspiration and write something that other people might actually want to read. Unfortunately I seem to lack imagination and inspiration these days. Also - the whole "write about what you know" thing would kill any book I could write instantly. I haven't had any big adventures. Maybe I should try to have one just so I can write a book about it.

Anyhoo - if I am talking about writing then I think it's necessary to mention a friend of mine who writes for a living. Not only this but he has his own record label. So it would seem that if you have the requisite amount of talent and drive it can be done. He wrote the book of fuck; what more can I say?

I also think this must be his - I like this especially "All Roads Lead North". Reminds me of our teenage years which were spent being part of a brilliant group of friends..

Not much else to report at the moment.

I am trying to learn stuff for my course and am feeling daunted by the physiology stuff.

Maybe I can learn it by labelling the man's body parts with a marker. Wonder if he'll go for it?

FIRE FIRE!!!

2004-07-19T10:33:00.000+01:00

This weekend I painted some more of the bathroom and Kev set fire to his car.

I should elaborate upon this; the painting of the bathroom was intentional, the car fire was an accident.

Having recently taken delivery of a roll cage, the man planned to devote the entire weekend to fitting it, in good time for the track day he is doing at Castle Combe on Saturday.

He had drillled, fitted and bolted about half of it and was welding underneath the car when he noticed a small flame on one of the fuel pipes. He ran to get the hose pipe and while his back was turned there was a "Whoooshhhhhhhhhhhh" and the car burst into flames.

At this point I looked up from the kitchen window to see Kev, armed with only a small hosepipe, sticking his head under a burning car and battling with the fire, which by this stage had taken quite a hold.

I am very relieved to say that after what seemed like forever he won and the fire was extinguished. HE is relieved that his car does not appear to be a write off. I am relieved that my boyfriend is not burnt to a crisp and still has all his bits in the right places. Priorities.

Turns out that all the flexible (and as it turned out) meltable fuel pipes under the car need replacing and a few other bits have melted. Now he has a race against time to get the car ready for Saturday, as otherwise he'll have to pull out and lose his money or even worse, he'll have to drive my car.

We went out to a Thai restaurant last night because it's Kev's birthday today (33 today) and had a meal with his Mum and her boyfriend. I think Thai was a bit adventurous, as it didn't seem to go down too well to be honest.

That's about it for our weekend really; did a bit of rowing, cleaned the flat, painted and had a fire. We watched the first Spiderman film on dvd, which I really liked when I went to see it at the Cinema with Adrian and enjoyed it just as much second time around.

Finally, something I wish I has said to the man who tailgated me all the way out of Haslemere and into the petrol station/BMW garage this morning, whereupon he swooped into his BMW staff parking place and then smirked at me in a creepy way as he walked past, doing the old wide bollock walk and the jacket over the shoulder swing:

"Your car is without doubt very big and very powerful.
You are without doubt very small and insignificant.
Tying to convince me that that is not the case by driving with your bonnet in my boot will not work. Prat"

There is a light....

2004-07-15T14:42:00.000+01:00

The superhero's mummy, who just happens to have worked for Waverley Borough Council for the last 16 years is now on the case... and this morning she marched over to the planning / land registry people this morning, plans in hand and full of righteous indignation (like mummy like son).

Waverley Borough Council are currently of the opinion that MFN1 is going to have to buy the land (and pay full market value for it) or remove his fence.... so he should hopefully be hearing from them sometime soon.

Huzzah for us and for Kev's mum.

"There is a light..." reminds me of a Belly song from the Album "King".

It's one of my favourite albums of all time and if CDs could go bald from too much wear it would have done by now.

Now someone is going to have to email me to tell me that CDs do go bald from wear.. Adrian? Jon?.. I know you can't resist

Mood

2004-07-15T09:02:00.000+01:00

I was expecting to get home after rowing last night to find that Kev had finally cracked and gone ballistic with an angle grinder but he hadn't. He had been very restrained and simply parked the van directly outside MFN1s kitchen, but without the aforementioned "You are a Twat" sign.

I have written a letter to the Council, so am hoping that something will come of it but we'll have to wait and see I guess.

The man is not too happy at the moment as the job he was supposed to be doing this week isn't happening now due to the interior designer failing to order fabric in time, and then discovering that it's out of stock until September. This leaves Kev with pretty much nothing to do this week since there are very few jobs that he can bring forward, as they too will not have their fabric yet. Cost to us of having this work booked in and then cancelled is £175 a day until we manage to get something else rearranged. Not Good.

I got my reading list for my course today. I am feeling quite anxious about it all at the moment, especially when I saw that I have some work to do before I start!! Sill it will be good to be prepared.

I have been talked into doing two more regattas, Henley T&V and Maidenhead. I am not really all that keen but I feel a sort of duty to do them since I have been stroking the boat all season and to just leave everyone in the lurch could be considered to be a bit inconsiderate.

I am rowing with arrogant student tonight. Just what I need to enhance my already brilliant mood.

The Battle of Waverley

2004-07-14T11:19:00.000+01:00

Well we have had it checked out and the land isn't his.

It belongs to Waverley Borough Council, however as it's right on the edge of their turf they aren't too concerned and don't intend to do anything about it. I find this very strange. I can only assume that he knows someone at Waverley as councils don't usually allow people to annex their land illegally.

West Sussex Council are sending along a man from their highways agency to make sure that the fence isn't impeding any of their highways land but to be honest it's not looking too hopeful.

Basically he's won.

The only other avenue that I can think of is that he is actually making the road more dangerous by limiting the parking space available.

New Model Army & This Means War

2004-07-14T08:57:00.000+01:00

New Model Army.

They rock. Cheers to Adrian for the 5 CDs.
51st State has never sounded truer.

This Means War.

When our flat was built there was some land opposite upon which was a small industrial building, used as a dairy. Sometime about two years ago the dairy was demolished and the building of eight houses commenced in its place. (The plans we received were for 6 completely different houses, funnily enough no one knew that 8 were being built until they were well on the way). The building company bought all the land they were allowed to which did not include the small portion which is now next to the end house.

This land belonged to Waverley Borough Council or was just plain Common Land, but either way, the building company did not succeed in purchasing it and were only allowed to use it (for storage of building materials) if they agreed to return it to its former state upon completion of building work .

The builders cleared the little patch of land about 10 days ago.

We thought "great - we've got our parking space back".

On Friday as we were loading up the van to go up to Cambridge the man in house 1 was clearing weeds from the little patch of land. He watched Kev load up the van and said hello when Kev said hello to him, but it was me that he bravely approached when he asked us not to park the van where we are parking it. I didn't like his tone and said that we'd try to accomodate him if we could but that it wouldn't always be possible.

I said "Well now this land is clear we'll be parking here again"
he said "I am having a fence put up next week"
I asked "so have you bought this land, because I thought that the builders weren't able to buy it?"

Funnily enough he didn't answer me.

Yesterday a fence went up. Not a garden fence, not the kind of fence that says "I have bought this land".

No, this is the kind of fence that is basically a barrier to stop us from parking. One of our neighbours went around yesterday evening to politely enquire as to whether the land has been purchased by him. His response was "I am not prepared to discuss this".

Neighbour left it at that before he succumbed to the overwhelming urge he had to bounce the man from No 1s head repeatedly on the pavement.

We are currently trying to find out who the land belongs to. There's a BT telegraph pole on there and he's fenced that off too.

If we could still park there we wouldn't even be in sight of his house and if he wanted a house where he veiw wasn't impinged upon by other peoples' cars perhaps he shouldn't have bought a house built on a minute patch of land where it was always screamingly obvious that there was going to be a problem with parking. Each house has no garage, no garden, one parking space and two cars.

I cannot understand why he has chosen to exaccerbate the problem by fencing off four parking spaces which have no effect on his property whatsoever.

We are not allowed to touch the fence (we have consulted a policeman mate of the neighbours) as that would be criminal damage.

I feel like ripping out the arrogant, trumped up little gobshite's windpipe and the more I think about it the more annoyed I feel.

I am incensed.

I am livid.

I had to ban Kev from going over there last night because he was so angry it really wouldn't have been useful.

The man from No 1 put a house sign up yesterday too.

His house is called "Gold Top"

Need I say more.

Twat.

I'm walking on strawberries and I have my happy Tuesday shoes on

2004-07-13T13:19:00.000+01:00

or so I was once heard to say, many moons ago, whilst drunkenly meandering back to my student house in Selly Oak.

Tuesdays are the one day when you really do need your happy Tuesday shoes on because without a shadow of the doubt Tuesdays are the longest day of the week.

Today is a crap work day, but I am ignoring it. It's like being one of those people who never opens their mail, and nothing seems to happen to them... but I can't do that because I still get that "I've let it all slide and at some point it's going to catch up with me feeling"..

The weekend was really good - drove up to Cambridge on Friday afternoon, went out for a nice meal on Friday night, traditional british BBQ in the rain Saturay afternoon, cheesy nightclub Saturday night.. isn't it funny how when you cram lots into a weekend it actually seems to last longer than when you don't really do anything.

Maddy had her stitches out yesterday and the vet was very pleased with her progress. She is really quite amazing and has developed lots of new and innovative ways of playing mainly involving lying down and biting things which move in her general direction, mainly Mervin, who doesn't seem to notice.

Last night I watched Shrek for the first time. I was a bit disappointed with it to tell the truth because everyone I know who has seen it told me that it's really good and I actually didn't think it was all that special. Not sure I'd bother going to see the second one at the cinema.

I also watched part of a programme about 101 things removed from the human body - only watched half of it because I was falling asleep, but it was pretty amazing what some people manage to survive (mostly with no long term damage). I think the pitchfork through the face was the one that will stick in the memory, so to speak.

I have now finished reading all available Harry Potter books and I can't envisage the next one coming out any time soon since I should imagine that motivation wanes somewhat once you are a multi millionaire... I don't know what to read now, I have run out of things I feel like reading. I might read the 5th one again since I read it in a day and a half pretty much and proabably missed bits.

It must be really amazing to be a successful writer. Every time I have ever tried to write something it's been utter crap. Admittedly last time I tried to write anything I was about 12. Maybe one day I'll do it - perhaps when I am really old, like Mary Wesley, who suddenly started to produce copious numbers of novels in her seventies. I'll go for quantity rather than quality and make my age a unique selling point.

I just need a plot, some plausible interesting and well drawn characters and talent.

well better get on.

got to get some sleep....

2004-07-08T10:43:00.000+01:00

Sleep that is uninterrupted by Mervin peeling the front room carpet, shredding the underlay and banging on the door making "WAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" noises.

Sleep that is aided by a gentle cool breeze from the open window.

Sleep that doesn't involve contorting myself into bizarre positions in order to accomodate a 3 legged cat who has spurned her own perfectly decent bed in order to steal my leg room, and a six foot two man who favours sleeping diagonally.

Got - to - get - some - sleep...

What little sleep I did get last night clearly was not enough to equip me with the energy and vigour to deal efficiently and intelligently with whatever the day may throw at me.

The first issue of the day was the dead frog in the living room.

I dealt with it (efficiently) by putting a bowl over it and screaming at Mervin "Don't bring me frogs!! I don't want frogs!! Bad Bad Bad Mervin", followed by "Kevvvvvvvvvvv there's a frog on the carpet.."

Kev disposed of dead frog with the poo scoop from Maddy's litter tray. I thought "I'll have to disinfect that now".

Obviously cat poo is clean but dead frogs are dirty.

Don't think I have dealt with anything else efficiently or otherwise today. I am in a foul hormone fuelled mood and everything is wrong.

1. I am tired and I need to sleep.
2. I want an evening in front of the telly to do nothing and grunt to myself but we have to go out.
3. I have this continual feeling of dread that I have forgotten to do something very very important at work and that it's going to catch up with me but at the same time I just can't be arsed to do anything or investigate what the thing I may have forgotten could be.
4. I am utterly fed up of living in a shoe box and the constant mess does my head in in a very major way (this should have been No 1)
5. Kev opens tins the wrong way, leaving the lid still attached so that I can't wash them out properly and it's dangerous but he thinks it's funny that I get cross about it. (I am including this because I feel generally irritated and I have to admit that he's done nothing wrong at all and this is all I can think of).
6. I am all anxious about starting my course but also dying to get started and I hate waiting.
7. I can't stop thinking about moving - moving to a bigger flat, moving to Cambridge... (as well you all know) and I really need to not think about it now because there's nothing I can do.
8. My head hurts.
9. I am hungry.
10. I am overdrawn and becoming increasingly more so and it's slowly dawning on me that we are going to have even less money.

So, in summary, I am basically an incredibly self obsessed person, with no sense of perspective and too many hormones.

(but you really should take the lid right off the tin, don't you agree?)

YAWWWWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

wibble

2004-07-06T09:23:00.000+01:00

Today I feel like someone sucked out my brain during the night and replaced it with cotton wool. This is all down to the fact that Maddy is currently not allowed out and has to be locked in with us during the night which means no open windows. I am just very glad that it's not really hot at the moment.

Our three legged cat is getting on fine, she's still as cute as ever, despite being a bit bald (I have no idea why they needed to shave so much fur off) and a bit cross because she isn't allowed out. I now have administering her antibiotics down to a fine art, she offers no resistance and doesn't even run away and sulk afterwards (although she did after I gave her the cat laxative; I don't think its tasty "meat" flavour is all it's cracked up to be and she had a big lump of it stuck to the roof of her mouth).

A friend of the man's is looking afer the cats for us this weekend. I think we had better call her and warn her or she's going to get something of a shock when she sees Maddy for the first time. Maybe we could knit her a little pull over or something.

Over the weekend I was thinking about things and I wondered if I would like living down here any better if we were a bit further north, in Surrey rather than West Sussex. In terms of countryside West Sussex in definitely nicer, but places like Godalming or Farnham seem to have a bit more life about them and I thought that maybe that would be a sort of compromise.

Yesterday I looked at property prices.

When I had scraped my jaw off the floor I had a rethink.

This is what I thunk....

We can't afford to live anywhere better than we already are. We could jsut about afford to buy a house where we are once I get my first nursing job but I don't really like it there.

We could sell the flat and move to Cambridge and buy either a small house or another flat - ie get a mortage that I can manage on my own (realising that this is all totally hypothetical because of the nature of the housing market) then while I am doing my first couple of years getting into nursing, Kev can be starting a business and once it's all set up we can buy a house and finally be grown ups.

I was quite proud of this plan but when I presented it to the man he said "exactly when are you planning to have babies?".

Well when I am 32 I was thinking, which is when he will be 38.

I can't see us being able to do it any sooner than that.

For the first time in my life I feel like we don't have all the time in the world. It's a funny feeling and I really don't want to have to make decisions based around babies. Maybe I am too selfish to have children and I should stick to cats.

Sometimes I think we'll never ever move. We don't have enough money behind us to do it. Which is sad because both of us will have the kind of work that you can do anywhere. Also, I really wish we had met when we were younger. If it had been Kev that I had met straight out of university we'd be sorted out and living in grown up circumstances now.

anyway - it's all still swooshing about in my cotton wool brain today so I'll leave it there before I ramble on any more.

Tripod comes home

2004-07-05T10:19:00.000+01:00

On Friday night we collected Maddison from the Vet.

We were somewhat taken aback by her baldness. They seem to have shaved off an awful lot of her fur. She is still the same old Maddy though; lots of rolling around and being a tart, so it's ok and she's been zipping about all over the place so I think she'll fare perfectly well on three legs.

I hope her fur grows back quickly. I keep waiting for someone to spot her through our bedroom window and call the RSPCA to report us for extreme animal cruelty.

I haven't seen the bill for any of this yet. I am sooooooooo glad I am insured.

Friday

2004-07-02T10:11:00.000+01:00

We'll be picking up Maddy tonight after work. She'll still be a bit out of it I should imagine, with all that morphine she's been given. I hope she is ok and doesn't keep falling over.

I have suddenly become interested in the outcome of Big Brother. I hope Michelle isn't evicted and that she gets her revenge on the new evil housemate. I think Becky looks like a slightly seedy and evil version of Julia Sawalha. I want Dan to win. He's definitely the best person in there.

This weekend we are going to the Guildford Rowing Club Summer Party (with Hog Roast)- which I am sure Kev will really appreciate given his vegetarian status. There's a disco too! So he can hone his dancing skills for Leila's 30th Birthday celebrations.

Had an odd couple of days: I am really trying hard to "live in the now" but my mind keeps jumping from the now to the future. Yesterday I found myself, just out of curiosity, looking at the Addenbrookes website. Addenbrookes (and the whole University of Cambridge Hospitals thing) have now got foundation hospital status. I don't know yet whether that's good or not - I guess once a hospital becomes a foundation hospital then it's down to how well each one is managed ...

Anyway - the point is that I am trying not to think about what happens in 3 years' time, but I am finding it quite hard and keep finding myself thinking about it.

I keep making pros and cons lists.

Like Pros of staying here:

The Business
Being able to buy a house when I finish
Will be easier to find work in the trust where I do my training
Will be able to have babies when I am still on the right side of 35

Cons

It's too rural for me - I like cities
Property is still more expensive than in Cambridge
I am too far away from my family
I am too far away from Cambridge
I don't want my kids to grow up with none of my family around them
I want to have friends and some semblance of a social life

Pros of being in Cambridge:

Cambridge rocks!
We'll have friends
I'll be nearer to my family
Did I mention just how good Cambridge is?
Cambridge is really really good.

Cons

We'll have to start a new business (ie find a workshop, advertise, really go out and look for work) and we don't know the market there (although I do know an upholsterer with lots of contacts and she said she had tons of work..)

We probably won't be able to buy a house for a while (which means renting and wasting lots of monies or living in a tent in Ade's garden)

Basically it will take alot longer to be in the position where I am working, Kev has a business up and running and we can buy a house; a situation we could be in immediately if we stayed where we are.

Looking back at my list with cold logic I can see the flaws in my wanting to move to Cambridge plan and that perhaps my argument is a little on the weak side, but I am not a cold logic person. I make decisions based on pure emotion (like buying the first car I saw because it was a nice colour), and so logic isn't going to do it.

I keep making little plans in my head too. Like:

I find work in Cambridge, Kev sells flat and follows me up, we rent for a bit and take a bit of the money from the flat to set up new business (if we need to) and then we get mortgage based on my salary.. and books from business.

I can't believe that there'd be any less of a market in Cambridge than there is here - it's just that here we have repeat customers and a reputation etc. which takes a long time to build up.

anyway - I am only wibbling on about this here so that I don't bore the man with it when I get home.

Yawn. Must stop Mervin from biting my arms during the night.

Tripod

2004-06-30T11:38:00.000+01:00

About 6 weeks ago we were having a Saturday morning lie in when our next door neighbour knocked at the door to tell us that one of our cats had been run over.

It was Maddy, and fortunately, due in part to the thoughtfulness of the man who ran her over (he had the decency to stop, find her and alert our neighbours) and also due to our next door neighbour, we got her to the vet within about half an hour.

Remarkably there was hardly a scratch on her - no broken bones, no internal injuries. She had, however, damaged the radial nerve in her front paw. This hasn't recovered and yesterday I went outside to get her in I discovered that her bad paw was bleeding quite heavily and that she has split one of her paw pads, probably from dragging it on the pavement.

This doesn't hurt her at all but it now means that she's going to have to become a tripod. She's booked in for tomorrow morning.

I think she'll be ok.

where have all the old posts gone..?

2004-06-29T14:47:00.000+01:00

I am editing this.

I have found all the old posts. They are pretty much where I expected them to be.

Bengal Cats, mornings, macaroni, Nadia from BB

2004-06-29T09:57:00.000+01:00

Morning all.

Not much to report apart from the fact that as soon as I got in last night I was wisked away, leaving no time for post work cup of tea, as he had a quote to go and do in Witley, some cushions to deliver and some fabric to drop off in Godalming. The joy of being self employed.

Having done all this (during which time I sat in the van and at one point fell asleep in the van) we ventured into Sainsbury's in Godalming.

It's really a very poor example of a Sainsbury's store. Don't go there unless you have no option. I think I know why it's so crap too - there's a Waitrose around the corner so they've obviously decided not to bother competing and have given up all attempts such as ordering bread and having stock on the shelves and not on the floor. They are going for differentiation.

At about 9pm we finally made it home, spent an hour putting shopping away and cooking macaroni cheese (the pasta would not cook, 10 - 12 minutes my arse) and bickering, watched Big Brother* for the second time this series and then went to bed.

Was feeling a bit tired today when I got up and as always Mervin (our 10 month old bengal cat) sensed I was having a "tired" morning and decided to help me out.

I ran a bath (no shower at the moment due to being in the middle or redecorating - still) and Mervin obviously though I was in need of some early morning stimulation and added some vital ingredients to my bath; a ping pong ball and then his muddy paws.

He added himself to the sink when I wanted to clean my teeth, and he participated wholeheartedly in the making of the ham sandwiches.

Today Mervin is locked indoors for his own protection since he is cleary having an extremely interactive day which generally means that he will interact with anything regardless of whether it's moving Range Rover or a doberman.

Maddison is locked in the bedroom for her own protection based on the assumption that Mervin will fail to find a doberman to interact with and will spend all day playing "jump on the Maddy and make her go flat".

My book should hopefully arrive today.

Sculling tonight with Val then going home to eat left over macaroni.

I live on the edge, folks.

*I don't think you can tell that Nadia on BB was once a man. The superhero reckons that you couldn't tell unless you knew which to me is the same thing. I think he's a bit disturbed by the fact that he could meet a woman who used to be a man, be attracted to her, and NOT KNOW, although Nadia on BB isn't too disturbing because he doesn't fancy her.

Tell me why I feel moderately fed up on Mondays....

2004-06-28T09:45:00.000+01:00

Had an ok sort of weekend, didn't make any progress on the bathroom, or get my car washed, both of which are things I keep intending to do. The nice new once shiny alloys on my car are now black - I hang my head in shame. Weekends are too short. I think a 4 day working week would be much better - especially for office based layabouts; they never do anything on Fridays anyway.

Having said all that, I am hopefully going to become a nurse which means that weekends will be a thing of the past anyway.

On Saturday morning I had my first lie in for well over a month - usually weekends involve getting up as early if not earlier than during the week for rowing purposes. A friend of the man's* came around on Saturday morning to show us her wedding photos and video. She got married in Mauritius which looks very very nice, but I can't help thinking that I would miss having my friends and family about, if it was me (which it isn't because I haven't been asked yet). Probably just as well because I don't think we can afford a ring, let alone a wedding of any size.

Briefly on the subject of marriage; as some of you will know I have recently had a touch of marriage fever. This has now mostly passed as I have come to the conclusion that I wouldn't want to get married in any of the venues on offer here (Crawley registry office anyone?) Lovely.

On Sunday I got up at 7am, went rowing, then did a brutal erg (erg = rowing speak for session on rowing machine, brutal = 20 minutes with a sub two-minute-split piece every five minutes)with Val (who is still much fitter than me and who is definitely going to be the cause of a post erg heart attack at some point in the not too distant future). We have found a crew which seems to work (ie boat moves in right direction, rowers are still able to walk after disembarking from boat, rowers are able to disembark from boat). Will be doing a few regattas a bit later in the season.

On Sunday afternoon while the man went to his Club GTi BBQ, I had a long bath and read The Outsiders by SE Hinton. It's for kids but it's still a really good book, and I have read it at least twenty times (don't always feel like reading grown up books when all I want to do is relax; something I learnt when, after leaving uni I became convinced I'd become stupid unless I kept reading so I read Anna Karenina and Crime and Punishment in about two weeks then didn't read another book for 2 years).

It's funny - the first line of the book is almost like something from Bukowski. I am sure there was a film but I can't remember ever seeing it. Judging by the cast list I'd say it was something of a brat pack movie. Anyone seen it? Is it crap?

I spoke to both my sister and my mum yesterday, for the first time in a few weeks. I don't feel quite as pap as I did about being down here but I suspect that's only because I have convinced myself that I will be moving to Cambridge come hell or high water when my three years is up. That is in fact the only way I can look at things at the moment as the alternative isn't a happy thought.

I do realise my perspective on this is perhaps a little skewed - there are much worse things that happen to people than living in West Sussex. If it was the worst thing in the world it would be used as a punishment.

"I sentence you to life . . in West Sussex" (cue dramatic doom laden music)
"no... please... anything but that..." (collapses to knees in supplication..)

It's just that by the same token (a phrase I hate using along with "there you go" - but, there you go) .. life is too short by far to spend it living somewhere where you don't want to be. Way too short. What's a few years spent building up a business compared to a lifetime of feeling isolated? Quite.

Today in a bid to prevent my brain from growing mould I am going to buy this book so that I can at least start reading up for my course. That's assuming I can cope with anything more challenging than Harry Potter and The Outsiders, which is all I have managed recently, despite numerous attempts to start "100 Years of Solitude", which I think, having read the first 20 pages a few times, promises to be a very good book.

Better get on. Boss is in today and I am doing his expenses. Actually I'm not - I'm doing this but I should be doing his expenses.

*before you get excited and think we have more than one friend - this friend is more of a family type friend, lives in Kent and is the same age as his mum. Which doesn't make her any less of a friend but does still keep our local friend count at one.

so we lost

2004-06-25T09:58:00.000+01:00

Again.

On penalties.

Again.

How disappointing

Another disappointing thing which happened yesterday was that the bloke who the man considers to be one of his best mates put his flat up for sale (lives next door but one to us) without even mentioning that he was moving.

In fact, since he became love struck we haven't seen hide nor hair of him, which I understand is what often happens when boy meets girl. You would think though, that after several years of friendship he'd at least mention it.

Quota of friends we now have down here (between us). One.

We could throw some happening parties.

Slow day

2004-06-24T16:15:00.000+01:00

Today, rather unusually I have things to do all of which are fairly simple, and all of which are pretty urgent but none of which I can do because I am not allowed to make any decisions. Not even the decision to move a meeting date so that it doesn't co-incide with the rail strike. No one is willing to back me up on this, relatively sensible and straightforward idea. Why? God knows.

Since about 09:30 this morning I have been waiting for my boss to call me back. If he doesn't then tomorrow is going to be serious mayhem with people turning up for meetings that no longer exist all over the place.

Today, like every other day, about 50 people have phoned me desperate to speak to my boss. Like every other day, not even I have managed to speak to him. He seems to be involved in so many projects that gradually he's turning into a bottle neck for all of them... one by one they reach the stage where only he can advise and one by one they join the club of people who email and phone several times a day in the vain hope of an answer. Progress indeed.

We're at the stage where every two or three days I stick a pile of printed off email into an envelope and post it to his home address.

anyway..

I was supposed to be sculling tonight but that would have involved leaving work early and since I was late in (took me over an hour due to traffic) and I now have to wait until the boss calls to avoid mayhem tomorrow, I am not sculling.

I called my sculling mate to cancel and it would seem that she was about to call me - she's still trying to recover from Tuesday's attempt in the IV.

Not surprisingly Kingston has now been scratched and we are aiming to put together a crew which doesn't cripple people.

Half an hour to go until the boss hopefully calls me. Tick Tock Tick...

How many days until September 15th?

The Man

2004-06-24T10:50:00.000+01:00

I just gave the url for this to the man; I had assumed that he wasn't interested but apparently he is.

Various

2004-06-23T10:09:00.000+01:00

Went sculling last night after work with Val, who is very fit and very good at sculling. I am very unfit and very bad at sculling. We are trying to spend a bit of time getting a double together and it seems to be working quite well so far, despite me taking yet another chunk out of my hand (must remember to cut my nails even shorter)and smearing blood all over my t-shirt AGAIN.

Afterwards we went out in a IV (which I orginally wasn't going to be part of, as it's the IV that will be entering Kingston Regatta and I'll be in Cambridge that weekend for Leila's birthday. I am very glad that I won't be rowing in it because it was one of the worst rows I've had for a long time and that's saying something. Of course many factors were against us - different boat, new cox who didn't say much & couldn't really steer,wind, rain, newly acquired crew member fresh out of uni who is technically crap.

There's a certain arrogance about some college rowers. They spend 3 years hammering up and down the Thames (or wherever), sitting in the middle of an eight heaving like an ape and without doubt they are very fit and strong. But take them out of an eight and into a four and the "row like an ape on speed" technique serves only to unbalance the boat and piss everyone else off royally. It's not how much water you can move, it's how precisely and efficiently you can move it.

With rowing when you get a crew that works well together it's bliss and the rest of the time it's just very hard work. I am no longer fit and I find that with the way my life is down here I lack the motivation to actually get fit, although I'm hoping that will change once I start my course... what with all that free time I'll have (joke)

One the the many issues I have with living down here is that you have to drive everywhere. Well, that's not strictly true - I could ride my bike but I don't fancy 18 miles uphill along the A3 as an invigorating start to my day.

You spend 45 minutes or an hour in traffic to get to work (18 miles) and you spend the same or more getting home. I am not claiming that that is a killer commute, since people who live where I live tend to get up at 05:30 and head for the city, but when I lived in Cambridge I could get up and ride about a mile to work, go everywhere by bike, and I had the boat club on my doorstep which meant that going for a row took two hours out of my day instead of three and a half .. I used to row 4 times a week as a minimum and it didn't disrupt my life too much (although the man would probably disagree).

From talking to the people I know down here (and I'll admit I don't know many) it seems that life in the rural South East is a fairly solitary business. They don't see their friends much, it's hard to meet new people. Everyone you work with lives in far flung places and so it's not even like you can socialise with them much. I think life here is ideal for people who grow up here and never move or for people who work in London and need to escape to somewhere quiet where they don't actually want to bother with other people.

My heart is absolutely set on moving back to Cambridge so unless something big happens in the next three years to keep us here I am pretty positive that we'll move.

I wish it was September already and I was all immersed in my course. I can't wait to get my reading list and get cracking.

I also wish I could leave this insane job and go and work at the hospital but I am so skint that I can't afford to halve my wages just yet. I was already overdrawn after my week in Syria and then...

I went to the dentist and it cost me £96!!! Just to be told that there's nothing wrong with my teeth (which I already knew) and to have them cleaned (which is all I wanted). Apparently they have to do all the Xrays when you first go to a new place.. but I would think that maybe it would make sense to have a look first and if there's nothing which looks like it requires an Xray then don't bloody do one.

The doctor doesn't do a full body scan when you sign up just in case there's something wrong that's not immediately apparent. Know why he doesn't do it? It costs lots of money. Since there isn't a dentist for miles around here who does NHS work they can do all the Xrays in the world cos the client is paying.. Not that I resent paying but I do resent paying for Xrays that I blantantly don't need. I've never even had a filling in my life.. Grrrrrrrrrr.

I did find out I have a wisdom tooth, however, so it wasn't all for nothing.

The man said that my teeth didn't look noticeably different after being cleaned. Under the circumstances that was definitely the wrong thing to say.

The weather is miserable down here today.

The White Room

2004-06-22T09:22:00.000+01:00

Our incredibly small box like bathroom is now almost completely white. It's not totally white because there are still patches of purple showing through but another coat should do it. Then all we have to do is paint all the tongue and groove we've put on there and the rest of the woodwork it'll be done. So I reckon another two or three weeks until completion...

Fascinating.

I did also watch the football and even though I really have no interest in football at all I thought it was a very good game and was pleased that we won.

I am now sitting in the office and something is making an incredibly annoying high pitched squealing sound - dunno what it is but it's doing my head in.

Another fun day at the office....

Now you are all here.... (or there)

2004-06-21T15:11:00.000+01:00

.. as I assume some of you will be at some point during the next week, perhaps.

(Note: Here as in "here looking at my blog", or rather you are "there" but looking at my blog which we'll call being "here" for ease of reference despite being geographically incorrect).

What I wanted to know is how come you all have "blogs wot you read" lists and how do I get one of those so I can be part of the little gang? Whilst this blog template is very snazzy I can't work out how to change anything or introduce new features and so it feels rather impersonal.

Just call me a joiner.

It's very quiet in here. I think everyone should temp for a while in a government office. It's really very illuminating in terms of finding out where your tax goes, specially if you are here in April when the race to purchase "really expensive bits of kit that we have no earthly use for" hots up.

I'll probably get sacked now and then they'll find out that I haven't been doing anything since February. Not because I am pathalogically lazy (which I'll readily admit to) but simply because I am not allowed to do anything. It really is quite bizarre and I am being paid a fair amount of money to not do it. I might actually get boredom stress and have to go for counselling... I believe it's quite common here. Upon reflection, with reference to my first sentence in this paragraph, no one would notice that I haven't been doing anything since I have never failed to do anything I was asked to do (a simple accomplishment when you haven't really been asked to do anything).

funny old world

while the rest of the UK is watching the football tonight I will be painting my bathroom white.

call me a fascist

2004-06-21T11:53:00.000+01:00

but I think people who do things like this should be forbidden from ever breeding.

homesick II

2004-06-21T08:54:00.000+01:00

s'me again...

After feeling almost totally consumed by homesickness and general misery last week and until about halfway through Saturday I seem to have recovered... at least I have got to the stage where thinking about Cambridge doesn't make me feel sad.

I am really looking forward to going up there for my sister's 30th birthday and seeing a few friends.. but I am not sure whether that will cure my Cambridgitis or make it worse.

Something else I am really looking forward to is starting my course on September 15th. I am going to do a diploma in Adult Nursing (couldn't afford to do the degree course cos you don't get as much money..) I keep having dreams about it - about going back to college, I think I am a bit anxious in case my brain has seized up or I have forgotten how to learn stuff.

Also it'll be totally different doing a course where I am a mature student who still has shopping to do, a flat to keep clean and a man to feed etc... I am wondering how much time I am going to have and I suspect it's going to be very little.

All weekend I have been wondering what will happen when I leave college (assuming I last the course). Will I find a job down here and put down even more roots? Will I decide that after 4 years I have had enough of here and decide to look for work in Cambridge and force us to move and start up the business all over again???

I have to say - we did get a good start with the business down here but even so we are doing ok and we've generated a fair amount of new trade. I feel confident that if it came to it we could do it again...

The only issue is when you are self employed no one will lend you any money until you have two years worth of books, as a minimum... and so we'd be back in that situation if we started up again.

Anyway - my head is tired of thinking about it all - my main focus for the next 3 years has to be the course and we'll work out where we want to be after that.

Nothing has to be set in stone... (me)
We don't have to even think about it yet.. (the superhero)

I wish

2004-06-17T15:23:00.000+01:00

I was a shining vision of fitness, with glowing skin and boundless energy, always self possessed and slightly aloof with a secret hidden talent for singing like Aretha Franklin (which would one day make me very rich)...

but really I have to say that upon reflection if I was that person then people would probably get sick of me and would start avoiding me.

I'm bored.

Can anyone tell??

It's the sound of one blogger blogging....

I think I'd better do some work.

homesick

2004-06-17T14:46:00.000+01:00

Looking at some pics on a mate's blog yesterday I suddenly realised how homesick I feel.. not for the place where I grew up (although sometimes I miss that too) but for the place where I lived from September 1998 until last July.

Cambridge is a truly fantastic place to live and is even more fantastic if you are into rowing. Cambridge has everything I like. I feel bonded to it as a place and have spend some of my best and worst years there...

I made real friends there and although it's only 2 hours (on a good M25 day) away from where I am now I still feel, well, a bit out of it really.

Sometimes I feel like I'll never settle where I am because it's just so different to anything that I have ever been used to; I've lived in Durham, Birmingham and Cambridge.... all cities and now I live in Quietsville.

There's literally nothing here, unless you like hills and sheep. If I was old I'd probably like it here. It seems to appeal to the over 50s.

Oh yeah - there's Guildford if you fancy a really good night out... but frankly I would rather spend my evening repeatedly slamming a solid oak door on my fingers. Call me a snob, I'll admit it freely.

It's a funny thing when you move to be with the one you love. There are all the good things about being together, living together and not having to spend every week night glued to the phone missing each other, but it's also a big change. I really miss my life in Cambridge and I wish with all my heart that we lived there.

Being self employed and in the process of building up a business the man in question obviously does not want to move at any point as moving would entail basically starting up again from scratch, which I appreciate would be stupid when you look at it with cold logic and from a purely financial point of view.

In fact, given that I am about to spend the next 3 years at uni here (thus allowing the business to become even more established) it does look as though we'll never leave....

I just wish I liked it more down here, but I can't help it. I think maybe it's just too far away, too far south... it's too... well. I don't know. It just doesn't feel right that's all.

That's my moan of the day then.

Southerners feel free to defend Guildford.
You can argue all you like but I'll still know I'm right.

Post rage

2004-06-10T15:34:00.000+01:00

This morning I received a leaftet from the BNP.

It made me very very angry, but what makes me even more angry is that there are plenty of people who will vote for them.

The content of the leaflet (yes I did read it)is sensationalist fear mongering... (ever seen the literature that the NAZIs produced trying to poison people against the Jews in Germany - you get the idea) and to top it all off and show what nice people they really are on the back is a nice pic of the candidate, with his wife and son and underneath his son is a little caption which reads, and I quote..

"my dad is not a racist"

need I say more.

Looks like the UKIP party are pretty active round here too.

Sometimes I just get sick of being English.

Doesn't the new Corrs song sound like....

2004-06-09T09:40:00.000+01:00

Video killed the radio star...

I mean, it doesn't sound exactly like it, but whenever it's played (and it's played alot on Radio 2) that's what I think of.

Is it me???

black hole

2004-06-08T13:57:00.000+01:00

Is my blog responsible for some kind of warping effect in time which means that everything I post appears to have been posted at a totally different and random time.

I point out now that the time is 13:59 and that I was not sad enough to get up at 1:30am to suddenly start a blog because I could bear blog free life no longer (see apparent posting time of earlier babble).

It's 14:00 now.

Let's see what time this thinks it was posted.

just testing something

2004-06-08T13:05:00.000+01:00

peep peep

testing (s'ok this makes sense only to me - I'll delete this if what I am trying to do works)

My first link

2004-06-08T11:35:00.000+01:00

Did you see that? A link (see previous post).

Also - now anyone can comment and when I post something is pinged somewhere too.

Cheers Ade.

(my highlighters have arrived, the work may commence.. but just before I start... have any of you ever seen a maroon highlighter before because I have one here and let me tell you it doesn't do much in the way of text enhancement).

better go...

(It's me again

2004-06-08T09:43:00.000+01:00

Just testing out the posting thing - looks ok although it's a bit non personalised. Having said that, I went to fill in my profile and realised that I don't really want to put stuff on here that's too personal anyway.. hmm. People might guess who I am and then I'd be forced to suffer "my blog is boring and lacks witty and interesting links" shame. How would I bear it.

Better to be anonymous and free from blog guilt, having finally managed to shake off most other forms of guilt it would be a shame to invent a whole new kind, although really it wouldn't be guilt, it would be shame.. not quite the same thing.

Best to keep this to myself I think. So far I don't think I have come up with anything that would interest anyone else, myself included (and I am very very bored). It all comes of being here, in an office, with not really very much to do. I don't have to engage my brain at all in this job(it's only temporary, a fact for which I am most grateful)and since I am not actually really allowed to think or make independent decisions there isn't alot in the way of stimulation.

Jobs are funny things. I have had a range of them, none of them have been terribly illustrious, most have been badly paid, most very dull.

For years I was plagued with "I am wasting my life in crap jobs which aren't really me" guilt. Also featuring heavily was "I am going to be forever poor and it's all my own fault" guilt, which when compounded with "I have wasted my education and basically lack ambition and motivation" guilt is quite a burden to bear, particularly when bourne in context with "my parents are frankly rather disappointed with the course my life has thus far taken and although not much is said it is but thinly disguised" paranoia. All of which fails to constitute a recipe destined to create a carefree and wonder filled person.

Fortunately now I have fixed this problem. I am going back to college to retrain and do something I have always wanted to do.

I am going to be carefree and wonder filled and no longer plagued by that question "what should I do with my life?" (a link to the book Ade bought for me here when in the throes of my last life crisis would be useful). (EDIT - just added link - hope it works).

I think I will tell Ade about my blog then he can help me do bloggy things (that'll have blown my cover but never mind... it will be very me to intend to be all mysterious and enigmatic and then blow it all after five minutes).

I should go and get on now, but I can't do anything until my highlighter pens arrive. No, really..

hello world...

2004-06-08T09:31:00.000+01:00

I didn't think I would ever get a blog but since I have what is possibly the dullest job on the planet I have finally cracked and decided to get one.

When I read other people's blogs they are always full of interesting facts and observations, as if they spend their whole lives online finding things to be interested in and to create links to...

Maybe they are compelled to spend hours and hours online searching for interesing snippets of information so that they can feel proud of their blogs.

Since I am probably the only person who will ever read this I guess I don't have to worry about that.

I will just post this now and see what it looks like.